Stand Alone Spirit

But I do belive I’m being haunted by the laziest poltergeist EVER. Last week I took off my knickers and a small moth walked out of them, just fucking waltzed outta there. Then two days later, two ants walked out of my bra and up my chest. And now I turn over in bed and an ear wig is chilling on my other pillow.
I swear to you I wash and I keep myself in mint coondition, most of the time. So it can’t be me!
I’m being haunted by some fucking budget stoner poltergeist. Has to be it. Right?

Yeah so my life right now is pretty mundane by all accounts, but peppered heavily with the extraordinary. I was waiting for my bus home from work listening to Mumford and Sons, and a pigeon, agitated by some teens, flew up and landed on my shoulder.
Everyone went nuts and I just stood there and looked at it. Started asking him if he was ok, and apologised to him if I was using the wrong pronoun for him. The teens asked if they could take pictures and I let them. Everyone else was ready to kick it, spit on it and all sorts because it was just gaming around the stop. So when it landed on me, I really did feel like it possibly landed on the person that respected its life the most. Some boy wanted to stamp on it! Stamp on a bird you know, what household was he dragged up in?

Anyway so my bus was due in like a minute and when I tried to get him down he started pecking at my finger the little shit. I jogged him up and down and stroked him but he didn’t budge. I asked one of the teens for help and a girl helped him off of me and he landed on the ground right in front of me still close. Their bus came and I said bye and thank you. It wasn’t until they were gone that he moved away from me. Everyone else still waiting for thir bus stared at me like I was performing street magic lol
He didn’t poop on me and he didn’t damage my new coat so me and that bird, we cool.

I’d just like one day where I leave work and get home without these ridiculous things happening to me. I’m glad I was there for him/her to land on and I hope a long, happy, healthy life is before it.

A fucking pigeon landed on my shoulder ya’ll.

It doesn’t take me 30mins to leave the house. Like I’m here ready to leave, but just watching the time slip by, tome I really fo not have. If I could just click my fingers and be where I need to be is appreciate it no end.
I don’t get it at all. I love public transport and I like traveling. But that initial step out of the door just winds me.

Any one else a bit like this?

That wall looks nice….oo what a remarkable ceiling…

Went to see a Doctor yesterday about my numb feet. After he said every problem I have (ever) is becuase of my weight. He then asked me how my diabetes was…

I am not diabetic, I do not have high blood pressure, and I do not have high cholesterol. I’m not saying I’m better than anyone else that does. But motherfucker don’t assume shit because my BMI doesn’t make you want to touch yourself. 

He asked me what I thought and I said ‘I think I look pretty darn good’, I Lol’ed and he thought I was being super serious and offended. Idiot. 

I’M FAT AND HEALTHY