Stand Alone Spirit

I’d love a squeeze if anyone’s free!?

I didn’t wash my hands enough after chopping up scotch bonnets, as usual. Now my lips and nostrils are humming with fire. (I wasn’t digging for gold in my nose lol)

One of these days I’m gonna wash my hands properly. 

Instead I am miming to Mariah Cary songs, in my front room, on a laptop I borrowed. I have a cubic light year’s amount of anxiety and pent up emotions I refuse to take to bed or address in any productive manner. I will now smoke a cigarette in the back garden and continue miming to purge until there’s nothing left. 

This has been a public service announcement. 

But I do belive I’m being haunted by the laziest poltergeist EVER. Last week I took off my knickers and a small moth walked out of them, just fucking waltzed outta there. Then two days later, two ants walked out of my bra and up my chest. And now I turn over in bed and an ear wig is chilling on my other pillow.
I swear to you I wash and I keep myself in mint coondition, most of the time. So it can’t be me!
I’m being haunted by some fucking budget stoner poltergeist. Has to be it. Right?

Things I enjoy about Summer;

The countdown to Winter

Nakedness

Sandal tan

Being prescribed the strongest hayfever tablets free 

Playing my music loud enough for my unborn great, great grandchildren to hear

Those cold spells from Low pressure that mean I can fucking sleep at night

Those precious moment before I get out of bed, when my feet arent swollen

I just really hate being hot and everything that it brings with it. 

My road gets some really sexy bin men…

‘One Born Every Minute: USA’ is the literal worst!!!!! If you watch the original UK series you’ know there is no need for so much narration, music, fuss, reaction shots, dramatic camera panning and nonsense. Labour is dramatic enough without all them fireworks.

We must hold dear to our hearts the image of English Defense League supporters, in Help for Heroes T-shirts, doing the Nazi salute, over an argument about the death of a British Soldier. It’s the circle of ignorant life.

Just imagine it for a moment.

You know you can’t be in the right if a charity wont except your money!!!! A CHARITY WOBT EXPECT YOUR MONEY!!! A CHARITY!

My mum has someone over measuring up to refit the bathroom as a wet room with shower, because She finds getting in and out the bath difficult. I understand it’s difficult for her, but seriously, I’ll have to move out. I don’t see how I have a choice. Wet rooms are my worst fucking nightmare, wet surfaces EVERY FUCKING WHERE.

I just, I cannot. And I know she thinks I’m being over the top but honestly, I have cried my way through using shower cubicles and wet rooms where I’ve stayed over places. I hate it so much. And my anxiety over showers, water falling on me without my hand controlling it. Nah fuck that. It terrifies me. And if there is anything even remotely cubiclely about the finished product, I can’t promise I won’t just put a tin bath in the garden and wash there.

No fucks even. Free show for all.

Dam you Hulk calves! I cannot find Wellingtons for Glastonbury that will properly fit and not cost an arm and a leg. What on earth do body builders wear to festivals? (…I can’t think of any other profession that would give you giant calves lol) What I wouldn’t do for some custom made one’s. OOoOoO

The concentration needed when skulking around an acquaintance’s Facebook page is monumental. The risk of liking a post from the remote past or liking anything actually, is huge. I’d recommend not looking through photos on a smart phone, one twitch from your rsi laden thumb and it’s over.

A steady hand, is a stalking hand.

Falling asleep and dropping your phone on your face. It’s a sign. Go to sleep!!!

I’ve heard way too many stories from people I know, about people they know with dogs, who really shouldn’t fucking have dogs.

My Buddha Sisters boyfriend got a 6 week pit-staff mix puppy and works 8-12 hr days. Keeps it in a cage all day, feeds it once a day. Just leaves the food there. Never had a pet before of ANY kind before.

My wifes best mates have two kids under 10. Decided a Doberman puppy in a small 2 bedroom flat would be a good idea. The dog is huge, knocks the kids over a lot in play, so keeps her in the kitchen for most of the day. Walked once a day. Missing injections. That household had 3 dogs previous to this one, got rid of all of them within a couple months. Who gets a dog when they struggle to feed their kids?

Like how am I just sitting here right now and not researching their addresses and calling the RSPCA/Police. I’m so done with peoples inability to comprehend the huge responsibility and privilege that is caring for an animal.

I’m pretty sure 60% of people who have pets shouldn’t.